Golf

From Augusta to Seoul, from caddies to the 19th hole - this is a subtly irreverent look at golf as metaphor, myth, and mild madness.

There are rituals, and then there are pastimes that dress themselves as rituals - quietly asking to be taken seriously while wearing spiked shoes and muttering about etiquette. It’s a peculiar thing, watching humans invent importance out of repetition. Repetition, after all, is comfort’s twin sibling and obsession’s evil cousin. Given enough rules and the right sort of trousers, anything can look sacred.

Some people find transcendence in incense. Others seek it in spreadsheets. There’s no accounting for how one arrives at meaning - only that, once found, we tend to protect it with an almost ecclesiastical devotion. We build clubs. We invent dress codes. We assign sacredness to objects small enough to fit in the palm of the hand, preferably dimpled, and always absurdly expensive. And we tell ourselves it matters, because the alternative is admitting we’re just pacing around in circles.

So yes, it can be a bit surreal watching a grown man squint at a tiny white ball like it might whisper life’s secrets if struck just right. But stranger things have inspired belief. Indeed, entire religions have been founded on less - a stone tablet here, a burning bush there - who’s to say the answers aren’t hiding in a sand trap behind the 14th green?

All of which might help explain the enduring mystery of golf - a sport that appears, at first glance, to be a leisurely stroll interrupted by occasional violence. Its rules are arcane, its champions oddly laconic, and its history a meandering tale of empire, invention, and unspoken agreements about who is and isn’t allowed on the green. It’s not a game built for the impatient, nor for the practical, but for those who find profound satisfaction in the long, slow unraveling of self against landscape.

Origins

Golf, like most things suspiciously beloved by the upper classes, began as a way to pass the time without appearing to enjoy oneself too much. It slouched into history sometime in the 15th century, on the eastern coast of Scotland - a land known for rolling dunes, wind that could peel paint off a monastery, sheep, and a population with a peculiar fondness for suffering outdoors.

A game where the objective is to strike a small ball across acres of inhospitable terrain using a bent stick, in pursuit of a hole the size of a teacup was - by Highland standards – a fairly reasonable pastime: futile, repetitive, and requiring a good coat.

The premise was simple: take a stick, hit a rock, and try to land it in a rabbit hole. No real boundaries, and certainly no dress code. The Dutch had a similar game that they started playing in the 13^th century, Kolf, though theirs was played in streets, fields, and even on frozen canals.

But it was the Scots who gave golf its distinct modern shape. The sticks got names. The fairways were tended. The holes were numbered. Rules were invented - along with the slow, creeping sense that you were probably doing it wrong.

By 1457, the game had become enough of a distraction that King James II issued a formal ban, citing its tendency to distract young men from the more practical business of preparing for war.

This, of course, only made it more appealing. Nothing legitimizes an activity quite like a royal prohibition. Subsequent kings tried banning it too, with predictable results: the game not only persisted, it sprouted societies, scorecards, and the peculiar belief that swinging at a ball required both philosophical focus and a stiff upper lip.

No one quite agrees on the precise moment it became a “sport” but what began as a windswept hobby for bored Scots eventually moved passed the border. It traveled - as all enduring British exports did - via empire, trade, and a trail of well-dressed colonial administrators in search of things to do before gin o’clock. By the 18th century, golf was being played in India, South Africa, and the West Indies. By the 19th, it had taken root in North America, where vast tracts of land could finally accommodate the sport’s sprawling sense of entitlement.

It is perhaps the only game whose expansion mirrored a certain type of diplomacy: slow, smug, and conducted entirely in hushed tones. And yet, somehow, it endured - crossing oceans, class lines, and eventually into the televised age, where it became possible to witness in real time just how little could happen over the course of four hours.

Balls, Clubs & Stuff

To the uninitiated, golf appears to require very little: a patch of grass, a stick, and a ball. This is, of course, a tragic misunderstanding - akin to saying opera requires only someone who yells in tune. The modern golfer, even the mildly competent weekend variety, approaches the game with the solemn burden of gear. One does not simply show up. One must arrive equipped.

Let’s begin with the ball. Small, white, dimpled - charming really. Early versions were made of wood, then leather stuffed with feathers, eventually something called gutta-percha, which sounds like a minor character in a Dickens novel but was in fact a rubbery sap from Malaysian trees, followed by the Coburn Haskell, which had a solid core wrapped tightly with rubber threads covered with a layer of gutta-percha.

Today’s balls are engineered with the kind of precision usually reserved for spacecraft and surgical robots, boasting “multi-layer cores” and “aerodynamic spin control,” all of which are designed to help you slice directly into the nearest water hazard with maximum efficiency.

Then there are the clubs. There are many. Too many, if we’re honest. The official number allowed is fourteen, though most players actively use perhaps five, and resent all of them equally.

Each club is engineered to perform a very specific task, though they mostly serve to give the golfer someone to blame. You’ll find woods that are now made of metal, irons that aren’t iron, and hybrids, which sound like something out of a laboratory accident. There is also the putter - an instrument of psychological warfare used only on the green, where confidence goes to die.

And of course, there is the stuff. The bag, for starters - monstrous, zippered, and filled with enough contraptions to survive a small-scale wilderness emergency. Tees, ball markers, divot tools, groove brushes, range finders, head covers shaped like endangered animals, and often a flask filled with an ego soothing refreshment.

It is a game that presents itself as minimalist while dragging behind it a caravan of accessories worthy of a minor royal.

Golf Fashion

If golf has a dress code, it is less about style than it is about signaling: wealth, compliance, and the willingness to appear mildly ridiculous in the name of tradition. Unlike other sports, where uniforms are designed for performance or intimidation, golf attire is built on a foundation of inherited shame and moisture-absorbing fabric.

The polo shirt is, of course, the sacred garment. Neither formal nor casual, it is the great beige middle ground of menswear - stiff enough to suggest effort, but breathable enough to allow for discreet panic sweating. Tucked firmly into belted trousers, it signals that the wearer is here to compete, but only with himself, and probably his father’s expectations.

The trousers themselves are a canvas of poor decisions. Once upon a time they were simple slacks; now they come in a kaleidoscope of pastel aggression - coral, chartreuse, highlighter yellow - often adorned with tiny, embroidered motifs (swords, whales, the occasional pineapple).

It is unclear who first decided that dressing like a sentient picnic blanket would improve one’s short game, but the tradition persists.

And then there is the cap. Often branded with a logo from a golf course the wearer has never actually played, the cap serves as both talisman and camouflage, shielding the face just enough to avoid eye contact after a disastrous tee shot. Footwear, meanwhile, now resembles orthopedic space gear - spiked, foamed, and engineered to support the emotional weight of missing a four-foot putt.

The Caddie & The Cart

Golf, for all its quiet self-seriousness, is not a game built for momentum. One does not charge across a golf course. One proceeds - deliberately, leisurely, with ceremony, like a man inspecting the grounds of an estate he does not own. To assist in this gentle shuffle between indignities, players must choose their method of transport: the cart, or the caddie. The motorized versus the human. One beeps, the other sighs.

The golf cart, first introduced sometime in the mid-20th century, was a godsend for those who wished to experience the outdoors without engaging with it physically. It is not fast, elegant, nor particularly well-balanced - but it is upholstered. Part vehicle, part La-Z-Boy on wheels, it allows two players to glide across the fairway in companionable silence, united in their shared refusal to engage their hamstrings.

Despite being capable of a brisk walking pace, the cart is driven with exaggerated reverence, stopping every few yards so its occupants can step out, miss on cue, and resume their progress like failed explorers.

And then, there is the caddie: part Sherpa, part therapist, part mute witness to your unraveling. Once a child of the local neighborhood, now more often a seasoned professional who knows your clubs - and your limitations - better than you do. A good caddie knows when to speak (rarely), when to lie (often), and how to hand over a 7-iron like it’s a loaded weapon. They walk the course with quiet dignity, absorbing every bad decision, every muttered curse, every triumphant delusion, and never once suggesting you take up bowling.

Finally, there are the purists. The walkers. The solitary pilgrims who elect, voluntarily, to carry or drag their own bags - lugging thirty pounds of graphite, balls, and half-finished dreams across four miles of manicured pasture.

Whether motivated by fitness, frugality, or penance, they are admired from afar with the same mix of respect and concern reserved for barefoot marathoners and silent monks. It is, undeniably, the most dignified way to traverse a golf course - until you reach the seventh hole and realize your water bottle is still in the car.

The Names That Echo

For a sport so defined by stillness, golf has produced an unusual number of icons - the sort of men who are whispered about in pro shops, quoted in locker rooms, and enshrined on glossy posters above suburban putting mats. These aren’t just athletes; they are figures. Saints, almost. Each with their own brand of charisma, myth, and curated humility. And like all proper saints, they each come with their own set of miracles.

It began, in earnest, with Bobby Jones, the gentleman amateur who played in a tie and retired before the game could corrupt him.

He won everything, then walked away - leaving behind a country club accent and the Augusta National Golf Club as his legacy, which is a little like leaving behind both a cathedral and a dress code. Then came Ben Hogan, forged from steel and silence, who treated the golf swing like an act of vengeance.

He survived a car crash, came back stronger, and inspired a thousand grimly determined range rats to believe they, too, were one shoulder tilt away from greatness.

Arnold Palmer was the one who made golf popular - a working-class grin in a sport that previously resembled a banker’s retreat.

He didn’t have fans, he had an army - followers who believed a firm handshake and a fearless driver could change their lives. Then came Jack Nicklaus, who smiled less, won more, and quietly collected trophies like they were overdue debts.

If Palmer was the people’s champion, Nicklaus was the accountant of destiny - relentless, methodical, and never quite out of contention.

And then, of course, came Tiger. A single name is all that’s needed – like Sinatra or Elvis. Tiger isn’t just a player. He’s a global event in red and black. He didn’t play golf so much as bend it to his will - turning every tee box into a stage and every putt into prophecy.

He brought athleticism, intensity, and the uncomfortable realization that golf could, in fact, be sexy. The galleries didn’t follow him. They chased him - at full sprint, phones raised, hoping to catch a glimpse of something historic or, failing that, merely divine.

Every era has its avatars. Today, the game is dotted with meticulously branded heirs - each with a logo, a shoe deal, and an agent who says “authenticity” a lot in interviews. But the legends remain. Not just for what they won, but for how they turned a quiet, maddening game into something larger than sport - into drama, myth, and occasionally, spectacle. And while the men paraded in and out of Sunday red and Rolex ads, one woman - Annika Sorenstam - simply won. 96 tournaments including 10 major championships. She did this quietly, relentlessly, and with far less fuss than she deserved.

For a time, she was golf’s most clinical mind and steadiest hand, feared and admired by anyone paying close enough attention. She didn’t build an army. She didn’t need one.

Augusta National

Augusta National is not so much a golf course as it is a controlled atmosphere - part cathedral, part Southern Citidal, part fever dream of old-money perfectionism. It sits quietly in Georgia, behind hedges and gates and a thick veil of myth, maintained with a precision that borders on supernatural. The grass is always green. The flowers always bloom. And the air, somehow, always smells faintly of magnolia and generational wealth.

Co-founded in 1933 by Bobby Jones - golf’s original golden boy turned architectural philosopher - Augusta was designed to be the Platonic ideal of a golf course. And in many ways, it is. Every blade of grass is trimmed, every pine needle thoughtfully arranged. It’s golf as imagined by someone who has never been told no. The bunkers are bleached, the azaleas manicured, and the fairways roll like silk laid out for kings. It is a place where even the birds seem to chirp on cue, possibly unionized.

But beneath the pristine surface lies an institution as tightly buttoned as the green jackets it bestows. For decades, Augusta was as exclusive as it was elusive - famously closed to women members until 2012, and not exactly in a rush to diversify. Invitations were opaque. Rules were ironclad. And asking too many questions got you shown politely, but firmly, to the exit. In many ways, Augusta wasn’t just a golf club - it was a code of silence, enforced with politeness and pine trees.

Still, golfers dream of it. Whisper about it. Study it like scripture. Winning at Augusta isn’t just a career milestone - it’s a kind of canonization. The Masters, its annual spectacle, turns quiet men into legends, and legends into voiceovers in Rolex commercials.

It is golf’s promised land, where history is measured in roars from the 12th green, and losing often feels more dignified than winning anywhere else. You don’t just play Augusta. You survive it - and if you’re lucky, you leave with a green jacket, a crystal trophy, and just enough humility to pretend it didn’t ruin you completely.

The 19^th Hole

If the first eighteen holes are about control - of body, of temper, of narrative - the 19th is where the unraveling is finally permitted. This unofficial, yet sacred, final stop on the golf course is not marked by flags or scorecards, but by the soft thump of a barstool and the quiet clink of ice in glass. The 19th hole is where stories go to be rewritten, handicaps go to be misremembered, and grown adults go to insist that the wind really did pick up on the back nine.

It is, at heart, a confessional. But instead of priests, there are bartenders. And instead of absolution, there is whiskey. Players gather in sunburned clusters, retelling each shot with the elaborate revisionism usually reserved for fishing trips and political memoirs. Triumphs grow taller. Failures gain context. And somewhere between the second drink and the club sandwich, it becomes universally agreed upon that the greens were running unusually fast today.

The 19th hole is also the great equalizer. CEOs sit next to retirees, single-digit handicappers next to people who played the entire round with one eye closed and a Bluetooth headset on. Grievances are aired. Bets are settled. There may be laughter. There is often silence. No one, it seems, is ever quite as pleased with themselves as they intended to be when they stepped onto the first tee. But here, among the soft lighting and the faint scent of shoe polish and fried things, disappointment can be digested with dignity.

More than anything, the 19th hole offers the one thing golf rarely does: a sense of closure. There is no trophy, no highlight reel, no viral swing breakdown. Just a drink, a story, and the faint, shared hope that tomorrow, perhaps, we will remember how to keep our head down and our grip loose - and that someone else will finally lose a ball in that same damned water hazard.

The Language of Golf: A Glossary of Evasion

Golf, naturally, has developed a language all its own - a refined dialect of understatement, euphemism, and subtle self-delusion. It is a sport in which a four-letter word can mean either joy or catastrophe, depending on intonation, and where no one ever hits it terribly, only "gets a little unlucky with the bounce."

The game has no shortage of jargon, but much of it functions less as description and more as damage control. A shot that veers thirty yards off course is said to have gone right, never wrong. A fade is intentional. A slice is an accident. A hook is something you meant to do until you see where it landed. And a bit of trouble in the rough usually means you’re waist-deep in ornamental landscaping and about to lose a club to a decorative juniper.

Scores are similarly sanitized.

A bogey is a one-stroke sin but spoken like an affectionate nickname. A double sounds like a drink, which is fortunate, because that’s often how it’s treated. And then there’s the snowman - an 8, shaped like the figure you make with your wedges in winter, and just as cold to endure. The word quadruple is rarely spoken aloud; it exists only in the facial expression of someone who has just thrown their pitching wedge into a nearby pond.

Then there are the personal rituals: taking a mulligan (which is French for “pretend that didn’t happen”), laying up (which is cowardice rebranded as strategy), and playing it safe (which usually involves sending the ball to an entirely different zip code). Even silence is part of the vocabulary. The quiet after a shanked drive. The long pause before someone says, “you found that?” when your ball somehow appears in a vastly more favorable location than physics would have suggested.

More than mere slang, golf’s language is a protective barrier between the player and the brutal, sunlit truth. It allows for plausible deniability, for elegant self-deception, and for the illusion that one’s dignity remains intact - despite the scorecard, the sand, the water, and the witnesses.

When Golf Gets Weird: Alligators, Lightning Strikes, and Presidential Mulligans

For a sport so rooted in restraint - of emotion, of clothing, of pace - golf has an uncanny habit of lapsing into the absurd. It is, after all, played outdoors, often in the company of reptiles, weather events, and egos the size of Florida. And when it does go sideways, it doesn’t just stumble - it pirouettes into the surreal.

Let’s start with lightning, golf’s least metaphorical threat. Lee Trevino, Hall of Famer and eternal realist, was once struck by lightning while playing, along with two fellow pros. He lived, finished the round, and later advised others: “If you're caught in a storm on the course, hold up a 1-iron - not even God can hit a 1-iron.”

And then there was Vincenzo Frascella, struck not once but twice by lightning during the same round, and - because golf encourages this sort of optimism. He reportedly tried to continue playing until he couldn’t feel his legs. Which, to be fair, probably helped his putting.

Wildlife is no less ambitious. Alligators have strutted across Florida fairways like they owned the deed.

One famously latched onto a golfer’s leg during a casual round in South Carolina, because apparently local rules apply. Others have sunbathed on greens and delayed tee times. And while we’re on the subject, bears, snakes, bobcats, kangaroos, and countless deer have all made appearances on courses. Nature, it seems, wants to be a member, too.

Then we enter the presidential realm, where golf isn’t just a game, it’s diplomacy in khakis. Eisenhower had a tree named after him at Augusta (“The Eisenhower Tree”, which he later tried to have removed - Augusta declined). Clinton reportedly popularized the “mulligan-as-foreign-policy” approach to course management.

And Trump, well - he’s in a category of his own: self-declared club champion at every course he owns, often without witnesses, but always with enthusiastic footnotes. Historians will need a separate scorecard.

Even among amateurs, the weird persists. A man in Ohio once hit a hole-in-one while blindfolded during a charity event, then accidentally knocked over the oversized check he’d just won. In Sweden, two players were disqualified after becoming involved in a full-on fistfight with their own caddies.

Golf may look calm on the surface - trimmed, raked, demure - but bubbling beneath the etiquette and whispery commentary lies a world where lightning can strike twice, gators are casual observers, and your mulligan may be recorded by the Secret Service.

The Golf Obsession of Japan and South Korea

In countries famed for their reverence of stillness, precision, and collective rhythm, it may seem odd that a sport invented by windblown Scots with questionable fashion sense has embedded itself so deeply into the psyche. And yet in Japan and South Korea, golf is more than a game - it’s a mirror, a ladder, and occasionally, a public reckoning.

The game arrived in Japan in the early 1900s, courtesy of British expats who, unable to suffer a weekend without tweed or tee boxes, carved the country’s first course into the hills of Kobe.

What began as an imported curiosity quickly evolved into a highbrow pastime, first embraced by aristocrats, then devoured by businessmen. Post-war, as Japan’s economy rocketed from rubble to global dominance, golf became the status symbol of choice. By the 1980s, a membership at a prestigious Tokyo-area club could cost more than a home in the suburbs. Million-yen initiation fees were not only accepted - they were expected. One did not simply play golf. One belonged to golf.

Korea’s affair with the sport bloomed later but burned hotter. Once considered an elitist holdover of the Japanese colonial era, golf in South Korea exploded in the late 1990s as the country’s economy surged and its middle class sought polished, Western-coded aspirations. The government, sensing opportunity, invested in infrastructure and international visibility. Within a decade, South Korea had done something quietly astonishing: it didn’t just adopt the sport - it dominated it. Today, Korean women all but own the LPGA leaderboard with the quiet force of a precision watch factory.

Their swings are clinical. Their focus, surgical. Their interviews, politely devoid of metaphors.

The obsession, however, is not limited to the pros. In Seoul and Tokyo, where green space is priced like antique jade, virtual driving ranges bloom in back alleys and high-rises. Office workers practice their swings on their lunch breaks, tucked between ramen shops and karaoke lounges. A 4-hour round may take place entirely indoors, with real clubs, real sweat, and no actual grass.

It doesn’t matter. The performance is what counts. Like everything else in the region, the appearance of effortlessness is the result of relentless, invisible effort.

A typical weekend outing might involve a 5 a.m. wakeup call, a two-hour drive to a mountain course, and a full day of what could best be described as leisurely pressure. In Japan, silence before the tee shot is treated as something close to sacred. If your ball goes slicing into the woods, an apology - and a full bow - is not only customary but expected. In Korea, rounds are often played with hired Caddie Managers or Marshall Caddies, who not only advise on clubs but supervise group etiquette, timekeeping, and, on occasion, emotional damage control.

Golf in the East has become a sort of cultural Rorschach test. In Japan, it reflects ritual, hierarchy, and the high art of quiet suffering. In Korea, it manifests as ambition, precision, and national pride with a five-iron. In both places, it’s therapy by humiliation, a business meeting disguised as sport, and a spiritual pursuit one awkward stance away from transcendence.

Zen and the Art of Golf

At first glance, golf appears to be about hitting a ball into a hole. That’s the lie it tells newcomers. In truth, it is a long, slow, meditative exercise in self-confrontation - equal parts ritual, metaphor, and mildly deranged performance art. The hole is not the destination. The swing is not the point. Golf is the act of watching yourself fail gracefully, again and again, in soft shoes.

It is a solitary pursuit, even when done in pairs or foursomes. No one can take the shot for you. No one can undo the last one. You are alone with your posture, your club, your thoughts, and the breeze that suddenly exists only during your backswing. It is the rare sport where effort must not be seen - where trying too hard guarantees failure, and the secret to success is forgetting you ever wanted it.

Golf invites a kind of spiritual lunacy. One begins the round with hope, proceeds through stages of denial, recalibration, quiet rage, and eventually - if one is lucky - resignation that feels suspiciously like peace. There are monks who’ve reached enlightenment faster. The swing becomes a mantra. The repetition, a liturgy. The game, a koan: What is the sound of one ball slicing into the woods?

To golf is to wrestle yourself in public. To watch your ego flinch. To realize that serenity cannot be summoned, only allowed. That power is useless without rhythm, and rhythm is nearly impossible under pressure. Every missed putt is a small existential crisis. Every sand trap, a dusty confessional. And every now and then, when, by some miracle, the shot is pure - when the club connects and the ball arcs just so - you do not celebrate. You stand very still. Because for one brief moment, you did nothing. And it was perfect.